ASL: I already ranted a bit about my ASL class. But that was more about my insecurities than the actual class. Now I have reason to rant about the actual class. The classes are 50 minutes long. We have a quiz every day that lasts maybe a bit over 10 minutes. She starts the class each day by taking attendance, which means we go around and sign our names. This takes about 5 minutes. Then, before the quiz, she has to fumble with the computer, another 5 minutes. Then we have the quiz. At this point 20 minutes or more have gone by. She then fumbles with the computer for another few minutes to bring up the slide show for whatever it is we are "learning" that day. If its a video we're going to watch, god help us, it'll be another 5 minutes before that's up.
So we about between 25 to 30 minutes of class left at this point. Today we went over "Aliments" and "Emotions". What this meant was she went through a power point slide of pictures depicting different aliments such as a headache, sore throat, diarrhea (I'm not joking) and so on. The problem is that there weren't any words on the slides. So, on some of the pictures it was REALLY hard to tell what the picture was of. Like, there was a woman walking with rounded lines and the atomic symbol over her head. I've decided that this was for "dizzy" based on the picture and the sign, and the fact that we had already done "headache". But I'm not 100% sure. It could have been "faint" or "feeling faint" or something.
After we did the aliments we did the emotions. These were a bit easier to understand since there was a word written underneath each of the facial expressions. Problem here was that as she clicked through the slide show some of the slides that came up seemed to surprise her. Like she didn't know they were on there, and she didn't know the sign O.o So she skipped them.
So, we went through the slide show ONCE. Then she told us that on Wednesday we were having a quiz over the Nationalities we "learned" last week. 60 Nationalities we went over ONCE. There's no way to study for this quiz really. She said there are 5 DVDs in the ASL lab that we can watch in the lab. 5 DVDs, 15 or so students, 1 and a half days before the quiz. Yeah. So I decided to go through the power point slide, write down the countries and try and look them up online myself. Well, some of the slides don't have the country name, just the flag. Um...yeah, I don't know every countries flag. Some of them just have the outline of the country and a picture of something that represents the country. Like Germany had the flag and a beer stein. I knew the flag for that one, so it was okay...but one had some Asian people in triangular hats harvesting rice. I would have said China, but there was another slide with the Great Wall of China...so I figured *that* one was China. So of the 60 nationalities 14 of them I couldn't despiser. Then I went on line to see if I could find the others on a website...and the signs didn't all seem right. Like, I didn't remember them. Sometimes I wonder if our teachers signs are outdated.
So that's ASL...and that's not including the Deaf Event Hours or the Lab Assignments I have yet to do. *headdesk* I did email the teacher to see if there was *any* way I could lower the number of Deaf Event Hours I need because of my social anxiety disorder. Its a long shot...but it was worth a try. I seriously get panic attacks just thinking about going to these events. :(
Astronomy: The other pain in my side this semester. This is partially my fault in that I have a very had time paying attention in this class. I'm sitting next to a guy and we get to talking and goofing off so I don't pay attention as much as I should. Today I'm going to go in and tell him I *have* to pay attention; not open my computer and actually really try to listen. Problem is, even when I do try to listen I tend to drift off in there.
But its not entirely my fault in this class. I'm just not good at science for one thing. And for another thing, the questions he puts on the homework are VERY confusing. He says that in the past his students have said that he has "trick questions" but he disagrees because if you know the material its not a trick.
I guess the problem with this class is that its not learning facts. Its learning concepts, and then taking those concepts to find the answers. I know this is how ALL classes should be...but the majority of them aren't so I'm not used to learning this way. That, and I just have a problem understanding the questions. If I can't understand the questions without them being explained to me then I have a problem.
I signed up for a tutor today. We meet for the first time tomorrow at 1 to 1:55. I hope she's able to help. We have our first "midterm" in class Friday. I'm so afraid I'm going to fail it. I'll be meeting with her once a week from now on. Hopefully it'll help.
American Lit: I have 10 minutes to get from Astronomy on one side of campus to American Lit which is clear on the other side of campus. So between the fact that I walk slow, "traffic", and my bad ankle, I barely make it there in time. Sometimes, if Astronomy lets out early enough I even have time to go to the bathroom!
By the time I get to this class I am worn out. The professor has a strange british/redneck accent that has a tendency to put me to sleep. Its just very soothing somehow I guess. So far in class we've read Walt Whitman and now we're working on Emily Dickinson. For one thing, I HATE poetry. I've never understood it and I just find it boring. On top of that Emily Dickinson is one of my LEAST favorite poets. On top of THAT I just don't like literature classes because I hate analyzing peoples' writings. Especially someone like Dickinson who wrote mostly in private and TOLD her friends and family NOT to publish her stuff. I feel like I'm invading her privacy somehow.
At least the class is easy. Its very hard to be "wrong" in a class that is all about what *you think* the poem/story is about. So, I should do fine in the class...even if I nap during the whole thing.
American History: This class I should do fine on. Its the professor that hurts my brain. I'm not too sure how to describe him. I'm going to try and take some video, or at least audio of him on Tuesday with my iTouch so you can truly understand how insane he is. But he mostly reminds me of Michael Steele. He goes off on these tangents that have NOTHING to do with anything. When I do pay attention I can normally get some really awesome Quotes of The Day from him.
I normally just sit in that class and play around on Facebook or play solitaire or something. We've had once quiz so far. I got a 17 out of 20...the 3 I missed were the 3 I didn't answer, which was a "name 3..." question...so I feel pretty confident in the class. All our other "tests" are essays we have to write. And I'm great at essays, so I'm not worried at all. I'm keeping up with the reading since I actually enjoy reading history books. So, I don't have a lot to complain about in that one. Other than the teacher is a moron.
So that sums up school this semester. I think I'll just squeak by in ASL and now that I have a tutor I should pass in Astronomy...if just by a little. Next semester (I hope) is better.
- I are: frustrated
- What Am I Listening To??:Elton John -- I Need You To Turn To
So far I've only had one class, and I'm already a bit worried about it. Its ASL (American Sign Language) III. I took ASL II like 3 years ago or so, so I'm not sure how much I'm going to remember. Then, I went into class and I saw the other students signing to each other...having full conversations. I don't think I can do that. I just sat there and watched them and was amazed. Not good.
We apparently have lab with this class. I didn't know that when I signed up, but we get to pick our own lab time. So I was able to get a time that won't interfere with work which is good. The lab instructor came in to introduce himself towards the end of the class today, and I think everyone else knew him already. I felt really lost. He signed really super fast. Luckily today we had an interpreter so I was able to keep up. The labs seem to be one on one which is good and bad. It'll be good 'cause then we can go at my own pace (which is super slow) but bad too 'cause I get so nervous signing to someone when I *know* I can't talk.
A big thing for me, in my normal day to day life, is that I strive to be understood. Sometimes I over explain things in order to make sure that the person I'm talking to gets what I'm trying to say. I choose all my words carefully. So, with ASL I get frustrated very easily 'cause I don't feel like I'm being understood. And its not like in another language class where the instructor has the option of speaking in English if they choose to. With ASL the teachers are deaf, so I either have to write stuff down or sign it. *sigh*
On top of the class and the lab I completely forgot that we have to have 20 hours of community involvement. We have to go to different deaf community events and interact with the deaf community. I HATE doing this. I feel so out of place. Like I don't belong at all. Like they're all watching me wondering "WTF is this hearing girl doing here?" Kind of the same way I used to feel at Pride I guess. I'm already not a very social person, and then you have to slap me into a situation where I'm super uncomfortable 'cause I have difficulty communicating. Ug.
I guess I just forgot how much outside of class time ASL takes up. I'm really going to have to plan when I'm going to do these community things well in advance so I can make sure I have off work. They all seem to be at night. Looking at the options I think I'll go to the coffee house stuff at Star Bucks. Those are 4 hours each, and then there's some ASL fair or something labor day weekend that's like 7 hours. That'll get me close to 20. Meh.
Well, I think that's it for now. Gotta go find a microwave and eat lunch before my next class at 1.
- Where Am I??:UofL Tulip Tree Cafe
Often a line or two from a song will hit me and explain exactly what I'm feeling. Much less often I'll hear an entire song that feels that way. The other day I heard this song "Animals" by Neon Trees, and it pretty much sums up my mood as of late: Here we go again I kinda wanna be more than friends So take it easy on me I'm afraid You're never satisfied Here we go again We're sick like animals We play pretend You're just A cannibal And I'm afraid I won't get out alive I won't sleep tonight Oh oh I want some More Oh oh What are you waiting for Take a bite of My heart tonight Oh oh I want some More Oh oh What are you waiting for What are you waiting for Say goodbye to my heart Tonight Here we are again I feel the chemicals kickin' in It's getting heavy And I wanna run And hide I wanna run and hide I do it every time You're killin' me now And I won't be Denied by you The animal inside of you Hush hush The world is quiet Hush hush We both Can't fight it It's us That made this mess Why can't you understand Oh I won't sleep tonight
Yeah. That's what the Universe did to me yesterday.
This might take a bit of back story...but I'm going to keep in to a minimum. Or at least I'm going to try.
Back in high school I had a group of friends. It was myself, Kimber, Trevor and Tommy. Trevor and Kimber were friends from middle school. I met Kimber at lunch Freshman year and met Trevor through her that same year. I met Tommy my Sophomore year. Later that year Kimber moved to Berea, KY. Also later that year Trevor came out to me, and later still he and Tommy began dating.
Kimber and Trevor's relationship strained due to her moving and the fact that he came out to me before he came out to her (I was told strictly NOT to tell Kimber) and also because Tommy didn't really like Kimber.
As most high school romances go, Tommy and Trevor dated then broke up, then dated again then broke up again and on and on and on. During one of the times they were dating Trevor's mom found out that not only was Trevor gay, but dating. Not liking this very much his mom grounded him for a month and then banned Trevor from seeing Tommy.
So, because my mom is ubber cool, she helped me sneak Tommy and Trevor around. The two of them hung out in my room with me...but I was really the third wheel. They made out on my bed while I did homework and listened to R.E.M.
Eventually, Trevor's mom found out about this as well and banned me from seeing Trevor. Tommy and Trevor again broke up....this time for good I was told. And I was given a choice one day. Trevor was sitting in one part of the bleachers during a pep rally. Tommy was sitting in another part. I had to chose who to sit with. I chose to sit with Tommy that day. And I'll admit that I sat with Tommy because I had my own crush on him.
Fast forward now. My Senior year, Tommy had already graduated and Trevor was still not talking to me. We left high school with a lot of very awkward feelings towards each other. I figured that was the end of it. But of course, Louisville being the small-big town that it is, I ran into Trevor a lot. At least twice a year I would see him at a store or around town. But we still never talked.
About six months ago I friended him on Facebook. I sent him a message with the friend request saying something like "If you don't friend me back I understand...but if you do that would be cool". He friended me back...but never commented on anything I ever wrote. That's fine. I didn't really care.
I started working at Valu and I started seeing Trevor more often. He lives in that area and shops there a lot. But still, he never said hi or even acknowledged the fact that he saw me (assuming, of course, that he did see me.)
So yesterday, I'm at work, and I'm walking toward the deli to give them some broken eggs...and I see Trevor. Behind the counter. Wearing a Valu shirt and an apron. He's fucking working at Valu Market.
So yeah. That's the Universe slapping me in the face I guess. Its like it looked down on me and said "Hum...things seem to be going well. We should do something. I know! Let's bring *Trevor* back! She hasn't had to deal with *him* in a while! BRILLIANT!!"
So, I'm thinking I'm going to message him again on FB. I think he and I could be friends again. We just really need to hash out this high school bullshit from nine years ago. I know it will be awkward, but I'm okay with that. I think, and have thought for a while, that I represent to him a period of time that maybe he doesn't want to relive. A time when his parents actively hated him and went out of their way to hurt him. A time when he was trying to not only figure out his sexuality...but trying to do it while dating Tommy...who was not a very good choice of boyfriends (not that I thought that at the time...nor did Trevor have many options...)
The Universe sure does work in strange ways. I'd love to tell him what happened between myself and Kimber and the store. I'd love to hear his opinions on all of that...and on a whole host of other things.
I'm going to play it out for a bit. See what happens...how work goes. But I really think I just need to message him and put it all out there. We shall see.
- Where Am I??:United States, Kentucky, Louisville
- What Am I Listening To??:Rufus Wainwright - Little Sister
Well, I guess its later :) And the good things are still there to update about amazingly enough.
1. School. I'm going back! Yea!!!! In case anyone missed this (I can't remember what I put on here any more and what I haven't) I'm going back to UofL starting August 23 (the day before I turn 27...yikes). I've got lots of options right now to get to my long term goal: I'm planning on going into teaching High School history. I think I'll really enjoy it...and I think for me that's the important thing right now. So even though I may have to move back in with my parents...I know its only temporary and there is an end "date" in sight.
2. Greg. So...yeah. I met a guy. A straight guy on OKCupid and we've been talking for a few weeks now. He lives in Lexington (like right next door to the scrapbook store there randomly enough) and we've been getting along great. Our conversations have ranged from art to video games to religion. The night John was talking about killing himself I was online talking with Greg at the same time and inadvertently blurted out the whole issue I was having right then and there to him. Looking back over the conversation I had with him that night I cannot believe some of the things I just dumped out on to him. But know what's amazing? He said he didn't mind; he stayed up later than he should have to talk to me and make sure I was ok. And he still wanted to talk to me the next day!
So, he's coming to Louisville (about an hour drive) on Saturday! We're going to have lunch and then go to Laser Blaze and play some lazer tag. I'm so nervious for a number of reasons...but I think I'm more excited than I am nervous. I'm trying very hard right now NOT to over think this. To just enjoy whatever is going on right now and not worry about what might happen in a few days or weeks or months...but its damn hard. lol I'm trying to not be a "school girl" about it.
3. Moving. Yes...this *might* be a good thing. My dad seems to have a wild hair up his ass about getting a condo for himself and my mom. That's cool, except that I'll still need a place to stay. The condo thing for them might not happen for at least 6 months (he says...but I'm going to say longer than that). He called me the other day with all these ideas in his head about buying the condo he and mom really want, and letting me live in it until they can move (and then what? I'm not sure). Then he had another idea, which was buying a smaller condo...letting ME move into it and pay them rent (like 500 a month or something)...and then once I finish school and get a job I could buy the condo from them. Of course I really like this idea...but nothing is definite yet, so he told me "don't get excited yet" which...um...yeah, too late lol
4. Bankruptcy. IT'S FINALLY OVER!!! The trusty guy person said I don't have any assets that he wants so that means all the inventory and stuff that's been in the basement since December can finally be sold. And that includes 2 iMacs. Really nice ones too. I'm hoping to sell them and use the money to get a Macbook for school.
5. James. Things between James and me seem to have finally flushed itself out and have gone back to normal. It took awhile, and I knew it would...but it seems like things really have improved and I'm so thankful for it. I really couldn't ask for a better friend, so, since I'm spewing all this other happy, sappy crap, it just feels like a good time to mention how incredibly awesome he is and has been to me lately. Its not often that a friendship comes along where the two people click so well so quickly and can also survive some of the things that we went though. So, yay for James :D
So...I guess those are the good things going on. And they are actually out weighing the bad right now. I really don't have to much bad. My job sucks...but I HAVE a job...and really, that's it. :D Karma can be a bitch...but the flip side of that coin is really, really nice...and its about damn time something go right for me!
Buckle in kids. This is bound to be a long one. And I don't lj cut. :P
This has got to be the longest week so far this year. And that INCLUDES the crap with Kimber at the beginning (because, really...it was mostly over with by the time 2010 started). I'm not really sure where to begin, so I guess I'll just start with Friday...because, well, its as good a place as any.
So, Thursday and Friday were my days off work. Friday I pretty much stayed home, I think, and tried to get some things done around the house. That night, maybe around 9 or so, I was talking on AIM with John. It started out reasonable enough...but then he started easing into a conversation about how he wants to get back together with me. He goes on and on...we talk for over an hour. I keep telling him no, and I have good reasons. But with each reason he comes back with something; an argument against my reason. An argument against my feelings basically. I was trying to be nice about it. I was trying NOT to hurt his feelings. But, basically I was having to break up with him...3 months after he broke up with me.
Then it started getting ugly. He started basically saying “what's the point,” “I've fucked up my life,” “The only good thing in my life, ever, is gone, why even try any more.” Some how, I got off AIM. I texted James and told him I was going to go for a walk in the highlands...if he wanted to join me.
Right before I left my house I saw John's livejournal entry in which he basically said he wanted to kill himself. Fuck.
So, I'm driving to Bardstown Rd...by now it's almost eleven at night...crying my fucking eyes out. I'm angry and sad at the same time. I'm trying not to hyperventilate because...well...I'm driving. So, just as I get to Bardstown Rd James texts me back and we meet up at McDonalds. So he and I took a walk and I felt much, much better after that and all was good in the world. I had decided that I had done the right thing. I really don't want to get back together with John. Looking back on the relationship, I realized it was a co-dependent one and one that really was not healthy. (One thing John said in the conversation was something like he wants to be less dependent on other people. He's decided that. But in the same breath he says he needs me in order to do that? WTF?)
So, that was Friday.
Saturday I go to work. Night before the Fourth of July. All of a sudden hell breaks lose. One of our cashiers, I'll call her Mumbles, was told to pull her till and that the manager wanted to see her. She never came back.
It turns out, as I heard through the grapevine, that she accidentally sold beer to a 19 year old. So she was fired on the spot. So, we're left on the night before the Fourth of July (which fell on a Sunday...which means no beer sales until after 1:00 on the 4th, which means majorly crazy busy night for us) short staffed and all confused and pissed off. Mumbles was one of the BEST employees. Its understandable that she should get reprimanded in some way for selling beer to the 19 year old...but something just seemed fishy.
I was scheduled to work until 11:30 that night, but wound up staying until Midnight since Mumbles wasn't there. I didn't get home till around 12:30 and didn't get to sleep until nearly four.
So then Sunday. Sunday I was also supposed to work until 11:30 and Mumbles was the Midnight person. So, really, without asking, they kind of just assumed that I would stay until Midnight. Of course, I know Mumbles wouldn't be there so I too assumed that I would be staying until Midnight. However, I wound up staying till nearly 12:30 because it took forever to get the last of the customers out of the store.
But Sunday was the day we found out what really went down the night before. Turns out the OWNER of the store sent in the 19 year old girl to buy the beer to make sure we were carding. See, the policy at our store is that we card EVERYONE regardless of how old they look. If your 88 year old grandmother in a wheelchair comes in the store and buys Non-Alcoholic beer? I have to card her. So the owners, I guess, were “checking up on us.”
My question is this: can an adult send in a minor to buy alcohol? As far as I know the 19 year old bought the beer and left the store with it. I'm not sure how else it would have happened. The owner of the store is NOT in law enforcement or with ABC...so I don't really see how this is legal. But regardless of the legality of the situation the morale of the store is down. One of the managers is pissed off more than normal, the customers aren't happy (Mumbles was one of their favorites) and now, if someone doesn't have ID to buy beer we have to call a manager to our lane to okay the sale. Holding up the line because an 80 year old doesn't have ID is really going to go over well.
So...that was Sunday. Again, didn't go to bed until nearly 4 in the morning.
Monday I was scheduled to work until 10:30, but didn't get off until closer to 11 for reasons that really don't mater. All I'll say about THAT is that I didn't mind staying late when we were short staffed and had a actual need for me to stay late. I DO mind when I'm forced to stay late because the supervisors don't know how to do their jobs. That's enough about that.
So, the last 3 days I worked more hours then I sometimes work in an entire week...and my week had only just begun! Tuesday I was so excited because I had a day off. The day was pretty good...until that night. Dear god. Last night was one of the worst nights. Ever. Period.
So, again, I'm talking to John. He seems to be in a somewhat better mood than he was when we last spoke on Friday (which at this point feels like a month ago!). To give a bit of background, he's in Florida right now living with his Grandmother and his Uncle Stan. To make a very long and complicated story (very) short, John just discovered that his Uncle as a taser. His Uncle also is none-to-pleased with the fact that John is living in “his house” and is also, shall we say, mentally unstable. I mean, he's been diagnosed with bi-polar and has a history of doing or almost doing very stupid or crazy things.
Basically, in a nut shell, John is fearful for his life.
So he and I start talking last night about normal stuff...and then he starts hinting around the idea of moving BACK in with me....just for a couple of weeks, of course, until he can find a job and move out. I flat out said NO. N. O. No room for miscommunication there. There was no way in hell he's moving back in. I don't think I could have made it clearer.
Well, apparently this was not an acceptable answer to John. He starts saying “I think I'm going to kill myself” “The only thing keeping me going is Oscar (his cat).” “I've fucked up” “Why even bother” and on and on.
Then it starts to get personal. Against me. That I “must not care if I'm not willing to help when he REALLY needs it.” How I “can't really call myself his friend.” How I apparently “never really loved him in the first place.” Now, at this point I'm taking all of this with a grain of salt. I mean, he basically just said he was going to kill himself so I'm determined to stay online and help him. I texted James (God bless him...he really put up with a lot for me these past few days) and HE got on AIM to help me help John. It was like tag team suicide prevention.
Well, basically what happened was no idea was good enough. The only acceptable idea to John was that he moves back in with me. He kept reiterating that it would only be for a few weeks. I told him, basically (but not in these words) that I didn't believe him. I gave him all sorts of other ideas. Including the suicide prevention number from Post Secret (he said he didn't want to talk to a stranger, and they'd just tell him the same “crap” I was telling him) and reminding him that an online friend of his offered to let him stay with him. Only problem with that was he couldn't take Oscar.
So, he won't move in with Jack because Oscar is the only thing in his life that he cares about anymore, but if he stays with his Uncle he's afraid he might be killed.
This goes on for over an hour. I'm losing my patience, and finally say “If I don't let you move back in with me are you going to kill yourself? Cause that's what it sounds like to me.” He said “No.” Okay then. We talk for awhile longer. Still not getting anywhere, and he starts typing in ALL CAPS and accusing me of not caring AFTER I JUST SPENT AN HOUR TALKING TO HIM TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM NOT TO KILL HIMSELF!! Finally said, “Are you going to kill yourself tonight?” He said “Probably not.” So I said, “Then I'm going to bed. I don't know what else to do. I love you, even if you don't believe me, I do. I love you and I don't want you to kill yourself...but nothing I'm saying is helping, you told me that yourself, so I'm going to bed.”
He basically came back at me with how he “FUCKING HATES ME!” and that he hopes I go broke to the point I can't put gas in my car, and that he hopes my parents' can't “bail me out” this time. And he called me a spoiled brat. And so on.
Last night, around 3am I got a text message time stamped at midnight (my phone was acting weird, so I got the text 3 hours late...which, was actually a good thing) from John saying “I don't really hate you. But please tell James to mind his own business.”
I also discovered last night that he defriended me on Facebook, Twitter, and LiveJournal.
So...that's been my week (so far, dear god) in a nut shell. There was some good stuff that happened this week...that I do want to talk about...but I have to start getting ready for work. *headdesk*
Yes, I am prejudice against straight guys.
And with prejudice comes fear. So, I figured I must be afraid of the unknown...afraid of what I do not understand. So, in order to counter this I figured that if I set up a new OKCupid account I could read the profiles of straight guys and actually see what makes them tick without having to be, you know, social or whatever lol
Well, of course, after setting up the profile and answering a bajillion questions I decided to see who some of my top matches were and just start there. I figured, no sense in looking at the guys that I'm more likely enemies with. I'm trying to make myself more comfortable with straight guys...not scare myself away.
I was actually not only finding some of these guys attractive, but was actually interested in their profiles. I was saying things like "Wow...that sounds cool." "Huh...that's interesting. I'd like to know more about that." etc.
One funny thing: the guy that I'm like 93% a match with? He's a military man. Huge into the army and stuff. But we seem to agree on a lot of other issues I guess? I'm not sure...just never thought.
Also, and I'm sure this is with every dating sight, a lot of the guys that are like 80% or higher matches with me are total geeks...like beyond what I find cool. Like, sunlight scares me, kind of geeks. Ah well. You have to sift through the bad to get the good I suppose.
But, about these straight guys. They all seem to be interested in computers, cars (driving or fixing or both) video games, and in the case of my high matches, art. I think I can handle that.
Another thing I did was I did a search for anyone (guy) who put "asexuality" as a search-able word on their profile. Not too many of them. Not too surprised, seeing as its a dating sight...but I wanted to see what an asexual guy looks like. I know that's really shallow and petty...but I also have this idea in my head of what an asexual guy looks like, and I don't like the mental image I get. Anyway, I could totally see myself interacting with some of these guys. And I got really excited about the idea that there are attractive, well adjusted, interesting asexual men out there. Of course, at the same time I was a bit discouraged by the fact that the closest one I could find lives in Bloomington, IN and will be in Australia with limited internet access for the foreseeable future.
So, the moral of this story? 1. I shouldn't fear straight guys. They aren't all *just* after pussy. 2. Asexual men do exist and can be quiet attractive. 3. It may take me longer to find a guy to suit my needs than the average girl...but I'm not an average girl and I really don't want to settle for someone that's not exactly what I want. I see that they (asexual men) *are* out there...they just aren't as numerous as the straight guys.
Is there an asexual dating site? I'll have to look more into asexual communities on the internets I think.
I couldn't really explain to her how I feel safer on Bardstown Rd. than I do any other part of the city, day or night. I could try, but I knew she wouldn't get it. And even if she did *get* that I *felt* safer, she would agree with the fact that I *was* any safer.
Then, Sunday night I had this experience, which I think sums up Bardstown Rd. and my feelings towards the Highlands in general:
It was getting close to 11:00pm on a Sunday. The streets were nearly empty. It honestly felt like I was walking through an abandoned movie set or something. Even the moon looked fake, but yet every thing felt SO REAL. There were no crazy people or loud cars to distract from anything.
I was walking along the road with my iPod on listening to Rufus Wainwright, like I tend to always do when I'm on Bardstown Rd. I didn't realize, but a guy was pushing his bike behind me on the road. He was in his late thirties I'm guessing. He had a messenger bag swung across a should and a helmet on his head, but he was pushing the bike on the sidewalk rather than riding it in the street. He had full beard and little wire rimmed glasses. He was balding on top. When I noticed he was behind me I moved out of his way to let him and his bike pass. In stead of just charging by quickly he stayed in step with me for a moment and said something. I couldn't hear him over Rufus, but I figured he just said "hello," so I smiled and said hi back. He then said something else, so I paused my music and asked him to repeat himself. He asked me what I was listening to.
He didn't hit on me. He didn't try and "pick me up." He just wanted to know what I was listening to.
I told him that I was listening to Rufus Wainwright, he said he didn't know who it was, so I told him he should check him out. He said he would, and then sped up a bit and was on his way.
About a half a minute later, on the other side of the street, two guys, in their thirties, were walking hand in hand down the nearly deserted street. They passed an older guy, going the opposite way, whom I had passed earlier. This guy was in his 60s or so, limping, and kind of disheveled looking. The kind of guy who might mumble to himself. Anyway, I saw the couple approaching the crazy guy and I got nervous that there was going to be a scene. But there wasn't. The old guy went around the couple, and the couple continued to hold hands.
THIS is why I feel safer on Bardstown Rd. Sure, I get asked for money, and guys might whistle at me from cars...but for the most part this is they type of thing that happens. And I love it.
In order to work in a law office/firm you must have experience and a bachelor's degree. I have neither.
In order to be a librarian you must have a Master in Librarian Science (which requires a bachelor's degree) and probably some experience. I have none of those.
I want a job doing something I ENJOY doing. Or, at the very least something I can tolerate. I DO NOT want to work in the medical field, but that is the only thing I'm "qualified" to do. But even though I'm certified to be a coder I cannot get a job as a coder because you need experience. So, I can't get a job at something I don't want to do.
Then I will look into something I DO want to do.
I played around with the idea of being a librarian for a long time. I love the idea...almost went for it until I realized that you need a fucking masters degree. I didn't think I could do that because of the foreign language requirement for most bachelors degrees. Now I know I COULD do it...but now I can't because I have no money for school.
I'm fucked. I'm getting depressed every time I go looking for jobs. I know what I WANT to do...but that doesn't mean a job is in existence for me to do it. Besides, most of the things I WANT to do, or I think I would like, require butt loads of school...and I really cannot go back to school right now.
My parent's are already paying for me to living in an apartment, they're paying me to eat and for basically everything my crap salary at Valu won't cover. I need to find a full time job with bennifits so that I don't have to live under their thumb...but even when I try to do that...in the field I'm qualified for...I can't seem to do it.
As I'm typing this I got a call from a recruiter who is looking to hire a medical coder for some company. She won't tell me who...but I might have an interview as soon as tomorrow...its only a temporary position (with the possibility of being permanent) and she said my externship would count as experience...and even if it is temporary it will give me experience!
I think its the roller coaster I hate more than anything.
I made the decision back around elementary school that I did not want kids. Well, actually, I decided in elementary school that if I were to have kids I'd adopt, because I decided that the world was already over crowded enough, and there were so many kids out there who needed parents that it didn't make any sense to have one of my own. Yeah...elementary school :/
Have I ever mentioned that I *really* identified with Lisa Simpson as a kid?
I think it was around high school when I realized I didn't want kids. I realized I just don't like them...they make me nervous and anxious and I just didn't/don't see one fitting into my life.
And John doesn't want kids either...so it was kind of a moot point.
Also, I'm quickly running out of space at Motionbox (where I've been uploading my videos). I don't have the money to upgrade for unlimited storage...so, does anyone know of a free way to upload videos that are more than 10 minutes long?? Thanks!
WTF??? Not sure what's going on. When I watch them on photo booth (where I recorded them) they stop and various points which is why I re-recorded them. However, when I uploaded them to motionbox it uploaded the whole thing, only the video stops but the sound keeps going.
I have no fucking clue...so, just watch whatever you want I guess...They're all similar, but different enough I think for them to all be enjoyable.
Moral? I need a video camera...(hint hint...hahaha, riiiiiiggggght)
*edit* I just watched all of them...and found my self laughing out loud at them...does that make me lame? Discuss.
Work yesterday was pretty strange. I was bagging all day, which I love 'cause I get to move around more and I have more of a chance to do go backs (putting stuff away that people have decided they don't want for whatever reason) which gets me off the front end. A whole lot of drama went on yesterday because Kevin (one of the managers) had to fire a guy for stealing cigarettes. Greg saw him do it and told Kevin. And to make it worse the guy is dating Kevin's daughter and is living at his house. Fun.
So it was just a big mess yesterday, and everyone kept coming up to me and saying "Now, don't tell anyone but..." It was very interesting to suddenly be the one everyone was confiding in. That hasn't happened in a while. So at one point I was putting something away and I ran into Kevin. I asked him how he was doing and he just started talking to me and telling me like his life story and what he thought of some of the other cashiers and managers.
Some examples of things he said to me: "So, what's going on on the front end today? Everyone seems quiet. I figure, as an adult, you can let me know what's up."
"Lauren sure has come a long way. She's one of our youngest managers and I wasn't sure at first how she would work out...but she's doing such a great job."
"Another person that's improved SO much is Sam. When she first got here she'd just stand around if she didn't have anything to do. But she's changed a lot."
These are things managers do not normally share with cashiers. It was strange. He was also telling me about all the different college degrees he had and how he's thinking of going back and getting his teaching certificate. It was all very strange. I'm not sure what to make of this...if anything at all.
I'm thinking of talking to Kevin and seeing if they have any full time positions at Valu that I could maybe have...that is if it has health insurance. I've come to find that, as shitty as Valu can be, I really do enjoy going. Even when the customers are shit I still enjoy it. And now that I've had other jobs outside of retail I know it can be worse than having an old man cuss you out for carding him. I'm not looking forward to getting a "real" job because I'm going to miss all these crazy people that I come in contact with when I'm at Valu. I don't know if will be feasible to work there full time...but I wish it was.
Bah. There are other things, but this is getting long, and John's finally up so we can go to Applebees for dinner. Its a Super Bowl tradition :)
So, to save time, here's a calender of events of what has been going on, before I get to the meat of this post.
Friday the 22nd, FINALLY got to hang out with Greg from work. We went to Denny's and had a good time though he had just woken up and John and I were both tired.
Saturday the 23rd, I went to the zoo and got a season pass (anyone want to go? I can take a guest for *free*) and then I come home to find John throwing up. To make a (very) long story short I wind up taking him to the ER where he gets an IV because he'd thrown up so much he'd gotten dehydrated. He's sick for a few more days. Turns out he basically had the stomach flu. Fun.
Wednesday the 27th, got a major migraine headache and went to bed. Around 1 in the morning Oscar started going ape shit by the window. John got up to investigate and found a little kitty cat outside in the freezing cold. He goes outside to give her some food, but when he goes out the cat ignores to food and just runs up to John and starts doing that freak-out purr that cats do some times. So, John brings the cat in for the night 'cause it was SO FUCKING cold out. I didn't get back to bed until 3 or 4 and then got up at like 8:30 in the morning.
Thursday the 28th, went about seeing if anyone had lost a cat. Looked for signs, called the apartment complex, and took the kitty to the vet to see if she was micro-chipped. She wasn't. Did all this while still trying to get over the headache from the night before. Wound up passing out on the couch while the little cat walked all over me and Oscar hid under the couch. Oh, and also, when I introduced them to each other Oscar bit me (while trying to get the other cat I think)...so, I got I got an Oscar Nom :)
Saturday the 30th, By this point we'd named the cat Harriet and we've decided we're going to keep her. I decide to call the vet Monday to get an appointment for her to see if she'd been spade and if anything else needed to be done.
Sunday the 31, Went to work. Threw up at work. Went home from work. Slept the rest of the day. At some point during the afternoon our next door neighbor came by and said one of their cats went missing and asked John if we'd gotten a new cat. John showed her Harriet, and turns out that she's the next door neighbors and her name is actually Punkins. So, John said goodbye to Harriet and I continued to sleep.
Thursday the 4th, went to work and felt okay until I had Subway for dinner. Got home and felt nauseous but didn't throw up. Got a good night sleep and am finally NOT sick any more! Yay!!!
Friday the 5th, get a call from my dad saying that now my mom's sick with the same bug that John and I had.
Holly crap. Okay, that really didn't save time at all...and now I'm afraid if I make this any longer no one will read it. So, I will end this post and update again in like a minute with a real update. :P
- I are: sick
* Job hunting + how I hate the medical field (does it mean something that when I tried to write 'field' I accidentally wrote 'fear'?) + what the fuck do I want to do with my life
* My general feelings about the opening and closing of the store + my general feelings about not being friends with Kimber any more
* Wanting to volunteer (there is actually much more to this than just that...but to expand would be to write the entry)
* Scrapbooking (as in posting photos of all my latest LOs, which I first need to find motivation to take pictures of)
* How I really think I'm meant to be a loner w/o friends.
* Valu Market, oh how I love thee
While I was in the shower I was thinking all these things and how I want to do all these things...but then I found the internet and lost all motivation.
Maybe, instead of wishing to post about this crap I should, I dunno...just fucking DO it (the crap, not the post).
Anything in that list sound interesting to anyone? I'll gladly write about it first if I know someone is at least a bit interested in hearing about it.
Why am I so emo lately?
Why is this post so disjointed? Maybe 'cause I feel so disjointed lately.
- I are: contemplative
- What Am I Listening To??:Rufus Wainwright--Harvester of Hearts
Not too much has been happening...which, for right now, is such a relief. I've only heard one peep from Kimber since the fridge thing, and that was 1 text the following morning. Nothing since. I think its been over a week now since she's contacted me. And it feels good not to have to play that game any more.
But on the other hand, last week and the beginning of this week I was very emotional for some reason. I was crying at the drop of a hat for seemingly no reason. Some guy flipped me off while I was driving and I started bawling. No idea why. I watched an episode of Will & Grace where they have this huge fight and Will kicks Grace out of the apartment and I was crying so hard. No idea.
James thinks that its 'cause of all the stress I've been under. I think he has a point...sort of. I think I'm finally (for the most part) free of the stress, or at least the drama (read drama as Kimber) so now I'm actually able to deal with my emotions.
For example, I really do need to write about how the store's opening and closing has effected me on an emotional level, I just don't think I can do it yet. Everything is still very raw. Any thing about the store is still very awkward and I don't want to have to deal with it yet. Like, I went to Daniel's house last week (?) to drop off his stuff before he moved back to Bowling Green, and it was very awkward. And I knew it was. And I knew why. But I just didn't have the energy to deal with it.
In other news I have to start looking for a job now. And I am dreading this. Not just the whole job-searching part...or the interview part (which I'm *really* not looking forward to 'cause I'll have to explain what happened with the store and hope I don't get too emotional...). I'm mostly dreading the actual GETTING of the job because if it is in health care it is going to suck. I hate the health care field. I wish I had never gone into medical coding. Bah!
But that leads me to wonder what would I want to do? Granted I love working at Valu...though I bet that if I worked there 40 hours a week I would have a different opinion. But I know I can't do that forever. I love politics but would NOT want to work in politics. Its too messy...too sleazy. I love history, but there isn't much you could do with history except teach it...and I do not want to be a teacher. No offense to the teachers on my friend list. But I'd only want to teach if the person wants to learn. I remember high school...the teachers were glorified baby sitters. Anyway, I also love law...but I don't know enough about it do work in the field. So that leads me back to health care. The only think I'm qualified in. Poo.
Maybe when John's finished with school and has a good paying job I'll go back to school for something....lol that'll be in like 8 years or something. Who knows what will be going on then.
Okay, this is really ramblely, and I'm not sure it has a point...but there it is. :P
- I are: restless
- 14:10 Hey L'ville friends: Cherry Bomb is having a 100% off 1 item sale! Don't even have to buy anything first! #
- 14:17 @second_crimson I swear there isn't one. I just got an $18 wallet for free #
- 15:17 @second_crimson and John just got a $22 blazer for free. Its the whole store. #
- 23:43 Ants herd smaller bugs! #things_you_need_to_know #
- 08:36 @magicalstephie On lj? I'm trying to remove it...but I can't seem to get it to work. #
- 08:46 @magicalstephie Well, lj is done right now for me...and I can't get loudtwitter to recognize my blog name so I can't stop it from posting :( #
- 14:16 Four days off in a row *really* makes it hard for me to want to go to work today. #
- 15:05 @second_crimson That's so weird 'cause I was thinking of tweeting nearly the same thing. #
- 15:09 I forgot to wash my work shirt and it kinda smells :/ #
Anyone have any ideas?? Is there someway I can block it from the LJ side of things?
- 23:58 Wait...its midnight? Crap...when the hell did that happen?? I need to go to bed. #
- 17:38 I am failing at (what I call) cooking...but, hopefully the thing I'm working on now will work. #
- 19:25 This sucks...the whole situation with K has made me super doubtful of almost anything anyone says. I do not like that at all. #
- 20:07 @danielefton Shhhh....*I* killed Michael Jackson's giraffes. But don't you DARE tell a sole! #
- 20:21 Why am I hungry...again?? Oh, maybe its 'cause my dinner failed :( #
- 20:27 @thistleinmay \o/ Are they better than they were going to be originally? #
- 18:52 @thecliks Congrats! #
- 19:00 Tomorrow is Thursday. Not Friday. #
- 19:25 I'm doing an ABC book of things that happened on '09. I'm stumpped on a few letters. Anyone have ideas for me: J, L, B, K, O, D, U, and T. #
- 19:55 I can't believe I only have 2 pictures of my and @johnnybaverage from 2009! I fail at photography. #
- 20:01 Never mind...just found another one...so that makes 3. #
- 23:21 Must eat food. Nom nom nom. #
- 09:24 I've got a list full of things to do, but don't want to do any of them. Ah well, better get started I guess :( #
- 10:13 A few (small) things are off of my list. But some easy things are turning out to be not so easy :( #
- 10:26 I need my pay stubs from my old job and I must have thrown them away. Crap...really don't want to have to deal with them again. #
- 12:12 hahaha. K wants to come over to delete her profile from my computer. She had close to a year to do that. I told her I don't want her here. #
- 12:17 So, now I'm not sure what to do. I don't want her here...but she might show up anyway. #
- 12:17 I'm trying to get a point across...but I know it'll never sink in. So how long should I be stubborn? And I *really* don't want her here. #
- 12:19 @octopusouphut her profile is password protected :( #
- 12:40 Deal has been made crises averted #
- 16:43 I feel completely unmotivated right now. blarg #
- 16:45 RT @msnbc_politics: Sarah Palin gets deal as Fox commentator bit.ly/8vsl6n || Guess we should just keep them all in one place. #
- 16:52 are you kidding me?? She STILLS thinks I will play by her rules. Tough luck. #
- 21:26 RT @house_of_bone: Which is the biggest shock? 1) McGwire used steroids 2) Palin joins Fox News 3) Water found to contain wetness #
- 21:27 @rambleredhead twitpic.com/xq76i - Oh my goodness what a cutie! What kind is he?? #
- 21:59 For @jgkimmy: RT @alyankovic Michael Bolton and @joshgroban are next door to me in the recording studio. Time to start that supergroup! #
- 22:00 When she misses the point she sure doesn't mess around. #
- 22:06 @thecliks can't wait to hear it! #
- 22:19 @magicalstephie Rocky Road...'cause that's what you've had lately. #
- 14:05 @johnnybaverage Am I supposed to try and come in there and make you get up? 'Cause I can ;) #
- 15:03 I got my "Buying for Equality 2010" Guide from HRC yesterday, and I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere about Dicks getting a low grade #
- 16:23 Yeah so my car ran out of gas on Hurstborne and now I'm blocking traffic #
- 08:57 Its snowing. I hate it. Snow makes me angry...and I'm not even joking. Have to be at work at 1 and so I might have to leave an hour early. #
- 11:04 Not sure what to do...know I need to eat, but I'm not hungry. Have to start getting ready for work soon but know I should eat first. Gah! #
- 12:15 Fuck this. I'm not risking my life (again)for Valu. I called in. Roads are shit. #
- 13:18 Trying to find a photo of Michael Jackson that encompasses his entire life is hard. #
- 17:28 @Rambleredhead No. What did he say?? #
- 20:38 @rambleredhead That couple that won the lottery lives in my city! :D Very cool. #
- 21:12 Wow...just had a blonde moment (and I'm not blond). I was looking for a number '6' in my chipboard stash...but all I kept finding were '9s'. #
- 21:15 @johnnybaverage No, I tweeted it 'cause I thought it was funny :P #
- 21:16 Every time I hear my phone beep that I have a text message I get a twang of fear...also when I see a bright blue car. Hope it subsides soon. #
- 21:22 @second_crimson He's at work tonight I think until 10ish... and you are not lame...and I can give you his cell # if you want #
- 21:26 @second_crimson I might have given it to you wrong...'cause he had to re-give it to me 'cause I copied it wrong #
- 21:29 @second_crimson either way...good luck :) #
- 21:30 @second_crimson Well, he's there for another half hour...but I'm not sure if that's weird or not...I have very little experience w/this #
- 21:32 @second_crimson depending on who else is working might depend on how weird it would be. #
- 21:34 @second_crimson judging from his reaction the day I told him you were in the store I think he is...but we'll see. #
- 23:33 Need to go to bed even though my head is swimming with hypocrisy and stupidity. I didn't know one could fit so much stupid in one email. #
- 15:02 @second_crimson: with or without my notes and and cross references? #
- 15:08 @second_crimson: we might be able to arange that #
- 15:16 @second_crimson: is that a hint that I need to kick Greg in the butt? #
- 15:25 @second_crimson he's shy, he might need it. Or you could ask him out. #
- 15:33 @second_crimson good idea. I really don't want to kick anyone's ass this week. #
- 16:11 I have a feeling tomorrow will be when the drama really starts. #
- 16:21 Working at Valu from 4:30-10:30 today. Who wants to stop by and say hello? #
- 12:46 Oh dear...Now she's channeling fortune cookies. #
- 13:42 Well, I guess one reason we've been cold is the vent has been closed this whole time. Durr. #
- 14:34 Not looking forward to going through all the emails and texts. I'm sure the hypocrisy is enough to make my ears bleed. #
- 16:32 Well that's done. I can't believe I can prove her wrong only using her own words so many times. Wow. #
- 17:27 @danielefton: Yea? I mean, are you happy about that? You sound happy 'cause of the "!" #
- 17:28 It's almost dinner time and I'm not even out of my pjs yet! Good times. :) #
- 17:45 Doing a scrapbook page about Harvey Milk...somehow I feel that it needs a lot of texture...no idea why though, but I'm going with it. #
- 17:58 @second_crimson Oh...I can imagine. Sorry he's being a douche though. #
- 18:03 @second_crimson That's probably very true...at least he's helping you pay the rent. #
- 11:30 Just ask him out already! #
- 17:23 Just got my schedule from Valu for this week...I've got 4 days! #
- 20:56 When you say "don't email me, just my lawyer" I tend to take that to mean not to email you, only your lawyer. #
- 20:57 @magicalstephie Well, there's always a first for everything I guess. #
- 22:03 @thefuturist88 I want to say 25 or 30 #
- 22:03 @thefuturist88 I'm dumb and didn't noticed you had already tweeted the answer. #
- 00:05 Happy new year! I'm going to bed now. #
- 09:15 Anyone else having problems with FB? #
- 10:47 @second_crimson You're not the only one up...and FB is working for me now :) #
- 17:30 Why do the gay guys always randomly talk to me? #
- 22:21 Downloaded 2 Lady GaGa songs and a song by Beyonce...are we all sure I'm not a gay man? :D #
- 22:23 @johnnybaverage: Nothing you don't already know ;) #
- 22:27 @johnnybaverage you already know I'm a mutant...just like Keef. #
- 08:40 Going to the Makers Mark Distillery today with the fambly. #
- 16:48 Is not happy. I've been over-charged on my insight bill, charged for cable (which I do not have) grrr!!!! #
- 16:49 @Rambleredhead (about the marriage map) I'm surprised that KY isn't on that map!! #
- 09:44 I have about 8 things to do that are going to make me feel uncomfortable. I need to just pick one and do it. Gah, I hate this! #
- 10:08 I'm not going to let this get to me. My worst case scenario has not changed. I'm not going to let this get to me. (repeat as needed) #
- 10:25 2 uncomfortable things done...just going to plow through and get the rest done so I can make this feeling go away quicker. #
- 11:11 @tlbshow Just the thought of a "mind douche" made me smile...for some odd reason. Thanks :) #
- 11:12 @tlbshow In fact, the person I'm dealing with could be summed up as a "mind douche" lol #
- 11:13 I think "mind douche" is my new favorite insult. Thanks @tlbshow :D #
- 11:14 @thistleinmay twitpic.com/vlin8 - I want the '80s to go away and NEVER COME BACK!!! #
- 11:27 My hold music is "New York State of Mind" by Billy Joel in terrible Musak form. #
- 11:38 I was on hold for 13 minutes...I gave up :P #
- 12:08 There's 1 chicken nugget left in the bag...do I throw it away or save it for when I go buy more? #
- 16:10 I'm really about to lose my patients with her. #
- 22:12 Your logic is FLAWED!!!!!! #
- 08:50 At the store packing up. Good thing I'm Jewish or I'd be pissed. #
- 13:46 Happy What's-A-Jew-To-Do-Day!!! Off to see Blind Side and then get Chinese food! Ahhh traditions! #
- 15:10 Too many comercials before the movie. #
- 17:42 We saw Mayor Jerry at the movies. Of course, he's Jewish. #
I don't celebrate Christmas, though when I was a kid and we'd travel to Florida every year to visit both sets of grandparents my sister and I would help my dad's parents celebrate Christmas. We'd do all the normal Christmas stuff: decorate the tree, put out cookies for Santa, we even had a tradition where we each got to pick out one gift Christmas Eve to open. We did all those things, but we always knew we didn't celebrate Christmas, we were just helping Grandma and Grandpa. If we didn't go visit one year for whatever reason we didn't put up a tree...and we were okay with that. I guess my parents must have told us that Christmas is about family, and since we're family it is was important for us to help them celebrate. Whatever they did say, it must have worked.
Now that both of my dad's parents are gone and we don't have anyone to help celebrate Christmas, the Kushman family has come up with a new tradition. I'm not too sure when it started but I guess you can never pinpoint the start of most traditions. Every year on Christmas we go see a movie and then have Chinese food for dinner. Last year we saw "Benjamin Button", the year before that we saw "The Pursuit of Happyness." This year we're going to see some George Clooney movie that I haven't heard of. I guess not having a TV will do that. Its called "Up in the Air" and I have no idea what its even about. But it doesn't really matter I guess.
- 08:17 @second_crimson Have fun in Alabama! #
- 09:09 I've got a headache again...or still...not sure. Went to bed with one, have one now, that's all I know. #
- 20:02 @danielefton All you're mom's eaten today is a dozen wieners! #
- 20:11 You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. #
- 20:14 @danielefton Are you home or did you make it to Bowling Green? #
- 09:41 I have a feeling this week is going to be interesting...and not in a good way...but in a stressful, panic-attack inducing way. Wish me luck. #
- 09:45 Today I am apparently replying to everyone's FB statuses with quotes from TV or music. Some more fitting than others I'll bet. #
- 14:50 *Bangs head on desk* If the facts are laid out for her and they said it was blue, she would say that it wasn't blue, it was teal. #
- 15:54 @Rambleredhead I must be out of it...I completely forgot about that. Too much stress...That must be what it is. #
- 15:55 RT @Rambleredhead: Happy anniversary to Elton John and David Furnish #
- 19:56 Why does my left eye hurt like a headache when I blink?? #